The Coed and the Zombie Stoner (2014)

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

4 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Pus, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Alright!!  Coeds and Zombies... my teenage self is ready!!
After 40- Holy!  Lots of boobs, or should I say giggles and jiggles? hehe
By The End- Cheesy as fuck, and entertaining as hell!!

After Checking IMDB- Directed by Glenn Miller, and written by Scotty Mullen.  I think Scotty did a great job poking fun at some other zombie flicks and this movie makes me feel like he just had a fun time writing it.  This movie also stars many lovely actresses willing to showcase their talents, such as Jamie Noel, and Mindy Robinson.

 If you are in the mood for a boob bouncing, funny punny, weed smoking coed zombie romp, sit back with some friends, get some drinks, spark up the bowl, and let loose.  This is the type of flick that some consider a guilty pleasure, I say if it feels good, do it!

It is possible that the only way to enjoy this movie more would be to make a drinking/toking game out of it!

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
**Does it could as penis trauma if you are undead and can reattach it?  I think it still counts. 27:30
** An honorable mention at 48 minutes.

Maggie 2015

Netflix

Maggie

2 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Pus, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Setting to tone for a world in transition.  Trying to understand, contain and eliminate a threat.
After 40- T  h  i  s  m  o  v  i  e  i  s  t  a  k  i  n  g  s  o  l  o  n  g.
By The End- Finally!

After Checking IMDB- Labelled a "drama/thriller" this flick is directed by Henry Hobson and written by John Scott 3.  Staring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Abigail Breslin.  This movie has an estimated budget of 8.5 million dollars.  According to at least one website Arnold did not take a salary for this film.

In my mind if you mix Arnie and Zombies you should get a hit.  I hate being wrong!  This movie is a long drawn out glimpse into the world of a father trying to hold on to his daughter for as long as possible in the face of an untreatable illness.  I know too many people will be able to relate to this tragedy in their own way, maybe that is what Henry was going for.

Camera angles and imagery were great.

I am guessing the intention was to make 90 minutes feel like 90 days (or whatever the time frame for infection was) and make you feel like you lived that time with them and got to know them and cared for them and the situation.

This was not the case for me; I was more upset when the Terminator died in T2.

The first 10 minutes paints an interesting portrait of a world in transition.  Imagine a world where the infected are slowly changing into flesh eating monsters.  So slowly that the doctors can send you home and schedule check ups with you to monitor how far along you are progressing in your death.  Morbid?  Yes.  Different?  Yes.  Edge of your sit thrill ride? Nope.  Sit back, relax and get lost in this world? Only if you fall asleep.

There is always one in every zombie movie. "What?  A bite?  Nah! It's fine.  I'll keep an eye on it.  I'll let you know if I start craving flesh, promise!"  I mean seriously, these are the characters in films that cause us to cheer for death.  They are putting everyone at risk and everyone is thinking the same thing.

I think I understand what Henry was trying for, it just didn't get me there.  If you want to watch a 70 year old man care for his zombiefying teenage daughter, this flick is for you!

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

Little Dead Rotting Hood

Little Dead Rotting Hood

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Pus, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Alright, set the tone, intro some characters, let's go!!
After 40- Crexy!!
By The End- Gave me a Pretty Little Liars meets Ginger Snaps vibe, but with a lower budget.

After Checking IMDB-
Directed by Jared Cohn, a very busy actor, writer and director.
Written by Gabriel Campisi, another busy man with many IMDB credits.
Staring Eric Balfour, Bianca A Santos and Patrick Muldoon, all good actors you will recognise from some previous film or TV show.
Animal trainers provided by Paws for Effect, well done!

Overall this story was an interesting take on the classic fairy tale.  Add in some good camera angles and affordable effects and you have a reasonable movie.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
**"Nuttier than a bag of trail mix"
**Also what some people might say about this movie
**The ending left me feeling like I just watched the pilot for a new Teen TV Series.
**If you join Teen and Drama, do you end up with Trama?

Seconds Apart (2011)

Seconds Apart

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Pus, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Creepy twins, suicide, more than one mystery, you've got my attention, now where are we heading?
After 40- Interesting flick, how many twists are here I wonder?
By The End- A cool couple twists, not a bad flick.

After Checking IMDB- Directed by Antonio Negret, written by George Richards, and staring Orlando Jones, Samantha Droke and Edmund and Gary Entin.

This film does a good job of laying the ground work early for a mystery, then as the story unfolds you realize the initial mystery is just a part of a bigger mystery and soon you start making mental notes and speculations about what will happen next and how the movie will end.  I don't want to give anything away but for me I called a couple things, was on the right track about the ending, and enjoyed the mental cat and mouse regardless.

If you enjoy a psychological thriller that deals with twins, twin power and telepathy, then sit down, and enjoy the ride.  If you are looking for an exciting roller coaster ride of action and blood splatter, wait till that feeling passes to watch this one.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
**On the right track does not mean I guessed the ending,

The Caretakers

The Caretakers

3.5 out of 5 stars.

After 10- Ok, A puzzle.  Great!  Kinda curious now.
After 40- Some poor planning killers, a bartender librarian,
By The End- Ohhh, I see the wrap around, nicely done.

After Checking IMDB- Written and Directed by Steve Hudgins he added some interesting ideas to the classic vampire, and those charged with their safety.   Starring April Jennings, Michael Coon, and Brittney Saylor.

For most part this movie is a breath of fresh air from a genre that, in my opinion, has strayed from the path at times.  For an indie flick on a free YouTube channel this movie is completely worth a watch.  If you are up for a little mystery, a little blood and bondage, a sneaky wrap around and no nudity, then this is an easy recommend.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
** please don't let my mom be disappointed in me just because I seem to be a blood sucking psychopath who has some guy on the hook go and do the killings for me....
**audio a little low some times
**some dialogue seemed awkward or forced

Mad Max Fury Road

Mad Max Fury Road

2.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Pus, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- OK, if memory serves this is about right.  Max in the desert get's picked up by post apoc desert people (who seem to have an absurd wasteful way about them)
After 40- Why do I care?
By The End- Best part, right there. "The End!"

After Checking IMDB- Directed by George Miller, who shares the writing credits with Bredan McCarthy, and Nick Lathouris.  Staring Tom Hardy as Max, Charlize Theron, Hugh Keays-Byrne and Nathan Jones.

OMG!!  How can you make Mad Max boring?  I mean from the looks of IMDB you have the man to do it in the drivers seat and some of my personal favourite stars. Yet while I am watching it "I could care less!!" Effects, and look, oh yeah, they are great, but story? feeling? anything!!! Yawn and fart!!

If you are looking for crazy desert driving chase and action scenes, then sit down, buckle up and go to youtube.com and look for a video that cut all the best scenes from this movie together.  If you are looking for a post apoc movie that is a good story, keep looking!

When I was growing up Mad Max was a lost soul wandering the wasteland.  A man waiting for death; so he could bitch slap it and get some pay back for his lost family.  A man driven by survivor's guilt and the bad luck not to find peace yet.   This was the reluctant hero of my youth who continued to try do the right thing regardless of what it meant.

The Mad Max in fury road held none of that nostalgia for me.  I cared nothing for him, and even less for the plight of the people he ends up helping.

After all the waiting, build up and trailers, I found myself nodding off while I waited for something worthwhile to happen.  Perhaps this is the Mad Max of this next generation, a series of crazy intense action scenes woven together with threadbare yarn to create a tapestry too weak to support it's own weight.  I for one hope this is an anomaly in the story of our hero, a chapter that he is not proud of, but that we all have as we look back over our experiences.

Either way, I am still a fan, and look forward to the next instalment of the story.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
**In what world do I live where a movie about a housing crisis and banking is more entertaining than Mad FUCKING Max!

FUCKKKYOUUU (short)

FUCKKKYOUUU

 I will be honest if not for the description and write up by Chelsea Lupkin  I would not get this film by Eddie Alcazar and Flying Lotus.  This black and white short film with its intentional and dark music does create a mix of emotions.  For how well done it is, I missed what it was saying, and I don't understand the title.

If you are looking for an "Artistic Short", something for you to interpret and ponder, you might enjoy this one.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!