Hot Tub Time Machine 2

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma
After 10- OK, I'll bite, I watch these flicks for the senseless jokes, wtf moments, and insane situation comedy.  (And Pebbles and I watch them while we go to sleep)
After 40- Pebbles is asleep and I am turning it off for the night.  We'll finish it tomorrow.  I wanna see where this is all going.
By The End- Wow, and not "wow that was great!" I mean wow, that was a different story.
3.5 stars?  Why?  Well you have the obvious big names, the effects are fine, any cheese seems to add to the movie, and I have to say it was unique and I did not see that coming.
Are you looking for a fun silly movie that you should pay attention to so you can try not get lost, yet still have some laughs and don't have to be sober for?  Why not try this one?
I do have to tell you this movie made it to the honorable mention list.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*You see a dick and balls.
*You don't see a traumatized penis, but there is trauma, kinda more than once.
*"I'm in the flow bitches" Needle Drop Warriors
*"This future is the past of the present"

Chilling Visions 5 Senses of Fear

Chilling Visions 5 Senses of  Fear

 3,5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- This is an anthology, collection of stories.  It was able to pass the 10 minute test, but we were invested in this movie as soon as we learned about it.  It was the next movie from the chiller films production house that made Beneath 2013.  Which we were such fans of we could not wait to watch another movie from this house.
After 40- The wrap around story is really starting to take shape, it isn't obvious yet, but it is starting to form and I am looking forward to seeing how it wraps up and ties together.
By The End- WTF! What happened? I was enjoying the show, watching for the characters from the other shorts, mentally preparing for the wrap around.  By the end I was shocked, and not in a good way, and disappointed.  Everything had been going so well, sure some stories were better than others and some were longer, but it was going well.  Then poop!  I didn't like the ending and feel there could have been a better ending.

Still worth a watch, and maybe you can think up a better ending, or maybe you disagree with me and feel the ending was good.   Would have been a 4 star movie if they could have stuck the landing.  "Animal" is in my movie cue and I am still looking forward to seeing it.  Still love Chiller Films, just expected a better ending.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**


*I feel the first 2 stories were the best.
*I was hoping the wrap around involved either the bad guy or we could learn more about W corp.
*I hope this flick is a stepping stone for another movie or perhaps inspires a sequel, with a better ending.

*A song that kills?  Wow, I mean, hello!!!  Can we say "The Ring" or "The Brown Note" how about "1 missed call"   Hearing right?  Ok, As soon as I have some time, and I mean wrap up the other project I am working on, I think I will try and find a better ending.
.

Blood Shot 2013

Blood Shot 2013

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- O.K. acting, production and writing, so let's keep watching.  
After 40- I feel this is not the best movie ever, but by no means the worst.  Let's see where they go with this.  Some interesting things here and there and enough laughs and quality in writing that I am not even going to fast forward it.
By The End- I could totally see this movie having a small cult following.  I did enjoy it enough that I wanted to know more about the film.  With 3 production companies on the credits, and a budget over 3 million, I was a little disappointed in the cgi gunshots; only a little disappointed though.
 I enjoyed it a little more with Lance Henriksen, and Christopher Lambert in it.  I had to look up Michael Bailey Smith, and to my surprise, discovered he has been in many things.  Some I have even seen.  I look forward to seeing him in other movies down the road.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
*No real spoilers I feel need to be shared.  The story was reasonable, not the best writing, but by no means is it the worst.
*Could have named the film Vampire vs terrorists.
*I wonder, is there a werewolves vs terrorists coming down the movie pipe?
*There are no hoochie girls, but there is a scene with a Harem, but no nudity.

Beneath 2013

Beneath 2013, by Chiller Films

I had not seen the trailer for this film, and when we started it at work we were not sure what to expect.

After 10 minutes we were invested.  Without knowing what the movie was about we quickly realized it was about 6 high school students on a last summer party weekend together as they talk about their plans for after summer.  There are some news paper clips about something bad happening at a lake, and one guy seems to know more than the others, and when the classic old guy talks with him we know something bad is in the water.  The acting and production are good and there is a little pov camera work, but it is kept to a minimum and is just enough to get the points across.
After 30 we were excited to see how it ended, and not because we were in a hurry for it to be over.  It was a good character study about how people crack under pressure.  Of course we never know how anyone will act under these circumstances; but the writing and acting were convincing enough for me to buy in.
By the end; I don't know if it could have ended any other way.  I don't want to ruin it for you, I say watch it and decide for yourself.

We enjoyed this one so much we had to look at the imdb and see the other movies from chiller, and will be watching a couple more over the next few weeks.

I give it 4 out of 5 stars, with an estimated million dollar budget do not expect too much from the monster in the water, and enjoy the ones in the boat.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
Although the movie is not rated, I think it would have gotten a 14a or pg-13, I feel it is a good simple movie.

Daddy's Little Girl

Daddy's Little Girl

2 out of 5 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

This movie failed my 10 minute test.  In the first 10 min we meet the family.  Iffy acting, dialogue and production, I didn't enjoy the sound quality or shaky camera.  A terrible thing happens, and Daddy is shaken for months.  The effects in this film were very note worthy and I thought they looked terribly good.  Problem is it took an hour before we got to see any. To be honest, I can't blame anyone for ducking out in the first 10 minutes.  To wait around an hour with the volume and dialogue; I am sure people bailed on this flick before Daddy got his revenge. There are some interesting points and pieces here and there, but the filler between them is a little dull.

At 2 stars I don't recommend this movie.  It is a hard topic, the sound is annoying, the effects look great, but do you really need to see it?  You know once you see something you can't UN see it.

Now Slaughter FX I think did a great job in the effects department, keep an eye on PTMR for reviews in the future of other films from this house.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates.

Spoilers**

*I thought the vomiting officer was a nice touch,
*I wasn't sure why he decided to deal with his brother himself instead of turning him in.
*Nice touch seeing him talk with people about torture techniques and the like, but was it a stretch?
*#Barbwire Butthole

It was dedicated to the memory of all the innocent children around the world that have been taken too soon.

Wrong Turn 5

Wrong Turn 5

3.5 out of 5 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

This movie pasted the 10 minute test easy.
After 45 I was totally on board for the ride and ready to see how it ends.(I know I've seen it before, but I did not remember every scene)
At the end of the movie I have to admit I had a lot of questions, mostly about the time line.
Wrong Turn Timeline Page.
Other than inspiring many questions about the timeline this movie is good on it's own.


Spoilers**

*The Hoochie Girls aren't that hoochie.
*The only part that detracts from this movie is the small set feel of the town they are terrorizing.  In certain shots from certain angles it looks like a small town built in an airplane hanger or something. This is a small issue, the story, acting and talent are worth while.
*This movie could be a stand alone flick I think, but it would be less exciting I think.  It does raise the question, "Where in the order of things is this movie?" In the first movie we see our 3 mountain

men cunningly and viciously hunt their prey.  Similar with 2 and 3.  In 4 we go to the origin and find them in an abandoned asylum, this one is with the town and the old man, and in number 6 we have them with the family.  

As Above So Below

As A movie So Boring...

1 out of 5 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

OMG!!  Seriously this movie took me forever to watch.  One of those shaky POV cam flicks with the sound that went from way to loud to way to quiet WAY to often.  Every time I have to reach for the controls it reminds me I am watching a movie, interrupts the story and ruins the entire experience.   Difficult to watch, impossible to get into, Not my kind of movie.  errrmaaagerd!!!

It did not pass the 10 minute test, so I didn't bring it to work for lunch time movie.  In fact I had to watch this movie in 20  minute sections on breaks because it bored me so much.  On top of that I did not enjoy the extremes in volume from straining to hear the whispers to trying to mute it for the echoing cave moans.  When we hit the 60 minute mark I was just hoping for a full cave it to end the movie.

This movie did a good job of making me feel claustrophobic and confined. The shaky POV cam trick is hard to do right in my opinion.  The "nothing in the dark one second and then screaming dead eyed grabbing for you the next," effect has it's place, but can be over done.

If you check IMDB you can find reviews from people who loved the film and its' references to Dante, I am not that educated, in that way, and maybe that is why the movie bored me.  I don't recommend it.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

If you want to add it to your collection;


spoilers**

THE MOVIE!  The movie spoiled itself by taking too long to tell a tale about people we don't know (or care about) going into places they shouldn't be, looking for things that shouldn't be found.

Zombie Strippers

Zombie Strippers

2 out of 5 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Cheesy effects, acting and plot.  Multiple Bush jokes a nice touch.

Be honest, if you picked up this movie to watch it was either for the zombies or the strippers, if it was for zombie strippers then you might have deeper issues and need more counseling than I do, lol.

This is not the worst movie; but it is a little pointless.  At 2 stars I do not recommend this movie as a "give it your full attention" type movie, This is a put on in the background, maybe make a drinking game out of it, or something.  There are funny parts, and gross parts.

 If you are looking for tits and strippers, you found it.  If you are looking for zombies and a poor excuse for an elite team of military troops... this is a movie with those in it.  If you are looking for a movie with Jenna Jameson or Robert Englund, well they are in here, but I can't say it is either of their best works.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

If you want to add this to your collection;


Spoilers**

*As you would expect there is a scene were a stripper goes for the cock, and it doesn't end well since she is a zombie, but you don't see anything, so it only earns a honorable mention.

*Fave line... "happy like crabs"

*I have seen the ping pong ball trick in real life, and lets say the cue ball trick made me laugh.

Wrong Turn 6

Wrong Turn 6

3.5 out of 5.

Learned about it because of netflix, thank you netflix!

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

It passed the 10 minute test so I brought it into work to share. After the first 10 minutes and reading the summary on Netflix I had a feeling it was going to be a little like the new "texas chainsaw movie" with the inheritance story line. (I'll come back to this)
After 45 minutes it had me hooked; with razor wire, hahahaha, but seriously I wanted to know where it was going next and how the flick would end.
By the end I was happy, and not cause it was over, lol.  The main character made some choices I don't fully understand, but I think some vital info regarding his mental state may have been under played.
I admit it ended in a way I don't totally agree with, but it wasn't a failure.  As a straight to DVD release I was pleased with the overall acting, effects and locations.

If you enjoyed any of the other movies in this collection than I recommend you watch this one and decide where in the list it falls from most to least fave.

At work they don't remember watching the 5th one so that will be next week's movie.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

If you would like to add this to your collection;


Spoilers**

This movie did not have penis or penis trauma in it.
I do not have any spoilers really, I did enjoy the dialogue in this film, especial with regards to prey, but I would hardly call that a spoiler.
In the list 1 is my fave, almost has to be started the franchise.
2 was the game show, haha! cheese! Least fave.
3 was the traps and prisoners, cheesy with weak story parts 4th place
4 goes to the asylum, nice origins type flick; second fave.
5 more history which I like but the set seemed a little small 5th on the list.
6 the resort, not bad, but not as inspiring as some origins movies. 3rd place

With regard to the texas chainsaw inheritance movie it left me conflicted, I know leather face is the bad guy, but the story and the way it was told left me cheering for him once he got his chainsaw back; and I had to stop myself and be like "Wait? What? Why am I cheering? What am I doing?"

Fields of the Dead

Fields of the Dead

2.5 stars out of 5.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

10 minute test- After the first 10 minutes this movie had an interesting feel and story, with reasonable acting and locations.  Started with action, drinking, drugs and tits.

After 40- mostly good, low budget feel without being to cheesy.  The story was building and had some nice subtle creep action.  I enjoyed watching the background in this movie looking for the subtle creeps.

By the end there were some slow parts and I feel there could have been more of those subtle creeps I was enjoying at the beginning.  Also some of the bad decisions made very little sense, and weakened the story a little.  The very end was a little predictable and weak, but for what looks like a low budget flick from a couple guys who are making it into a tough business I am looking forward to seeing what they have in the future.

I feel if you can have a story like this, with the seemingly obvious obstacles of budget, then as they get more recognition their projects can only get better, provided they do not loose the writing skills.

If you are a fan of up and comers, or good stories without big budgets this is a must watch.
If you are looking for jump starts, special effects, or big breasted talents, skip this one.

Until next time everybody; Protect Your Privates!

If you want to add this to your collection;


Spoilers**

Don't watch the trailer, it might make one of the kills better

I can see a dark remake or sequel of this flick with a bigger budget being a block buster.