The Elevator: Three minutes can change your life (2013)

The Elevator: Three minutes can change your life. (2013)

1.5 out of 5 stars.  Made it through with the help of the fast forward button.  I didn't use it much, but it just kept dragging.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Kinda slow and subtle, but enough mystery and intrigue that I will give it another 10 minutes.  I enjoyed how the film let us learn about the main character.
After 20- Wow! Enter crazy vill! Now I have twice as many questions and the answers better be good.
After 40- Enter fart noise here! This movie is shitting the elevator.  Check the spoilers, but I have the ffwd button ready to go and am prepared to start using it.
By The End- WTF!  Check the spoilers for my rant!!

After Checking IMDB- Massimo Coglitore Directed this film written by Mauro Graiani and Riccardo Irrera.  I am not familiar with these people, and most of their other work is in a language I don't speak, or on a tv channel I don't watch.  That being said there were some good parts to the film, and if you are a hard core psycho thriller fan you might very well enjoy this movie and forgive the holes I couldn't.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*I didn't hate the idea behind this story, in fact it was nice surprise, I hadn't heard that one before. Maybe if the delivery had not dragged on and followed a better, more believable, plan, I could have given this flick 3 or 3.5 stars.
*I enjoy suspending disbelief as much as the next guy, but the inconceivable star alignment of mother's revenge, high tech gadgets, an old guard, stupid neighbors and a strange msg on a voice mail... REALLY?!?
*Why not in his apartment?
*Ever hear of redial?
*No one called 911?
*If you knew about Anna wouldn't you know about the sis?
*If google is working how hard would it be to check?

The Last Time I Saw Richard (short)

The Last Time I Saw Richard (short)

This is another short from the https://www.shortoftheweek.com/channels/horror/

I am loving this site and fighting the urges to binge watch everything they have to offer.

I give this flick 4 stars out of 5.

After watching it I thought different, dark, tense and unnerving.  I enjoyed the camera work in this flick, and I enjoyed the well played out non dialogue between the characters.  Teenage boys are not know for verbal communication, and I thought these two did a great job.

Interesting characters, even though we don't know a lot about them.  We only spend 20 minutes with them, but I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to know more.

Because this short left me wanting more, and the parts it gave me I enjoyed this is an easy recommend.

Directed by Nicholas Verso who shares the writing credit for this short with Paul Welsh, neither of which is a stranger to IMDB. I would be happy to view any of the other projects they have done, or do in the future.

As for the stars Cody Fern and Toby Wallace; I thought they both did great and hope they continue to get roles they can bring their skills too.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

It Follows (2014)

It Follows (2014)

4.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Starts off with mystery, excitement and a terrible looking death.
After 40- Lots of suspense and intrigue.
By The End- Wow!!  I enjoyed this unique idea, and am filled with "what if "questions.  See the spoilers for them.

After Checking IMDB- This movie only had a 2 mill budget, and let me just say, maybe more films should be made in Michigan.  I mean, it seems like your money can go further there.

David Robert Mitchell is the writer and Director of only this and 2 other films, and let me just say I look forward to seeing what else he may do in the future.

After checking his facebook  page he mentions being available for Q&A after one of his screenings and I would love to see what was asked and how it was answered.  See if any of my "what ifs" got answered.

With regard to some of the reviews on IMDB I will agree that some of the actions of characters and the "it" didn't make sense, but for goodness sake's, where would horror films be if not for poor choices?  I mean who hasn't yelled at the screen, "No, don't go upstairs to check out ..." or "Don't open the door.." "Don't split up and look for your missing ..." Without these actions we would not know what NOT to do.

This movie was shot beautifully, and was not loaded with those cheap, pop up surprise starts.  The tension and mystery that comes from not knowing if everyone can see that person just walking there, well done!

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*Do blow job's count?
*What about anal?
*What about 3 some's?
*What if you flew to Thailand, got a Thai prostitute and then flew back, would it walk from where you were to Thailand?  How long would that take?
*I mean the list is so long, what are some of yours?  Why not share with me?

Waterborne (short)

Waterborne (short)

I give this short 3.5 out of 5 stars.  Easily worth the watch with good production.  The acting and Dialogue are ok also.

I love the site https://www.shortoftheweek.com/channels/horror/.  It takes everything I have not to binge watch this site until I have seen everything it has to offer, but I am pacing myself and giving reviews.

This site keeps adding the best shorts it can find.  Right after I watched this flick I saw that The Nerdist on facebook also was sharing it.

Director Ryan Coonan I thought did a very good job, and according to his IMDB at this time he has 2 other shorts under his director credits which I will be keeping my eye out for to watch.
Written by , Ryan Coonan and Richard Barcaricchio I liked the idea.  This is Richard Barcaricchio's only writing credit according to his IMDB, but I would be interested in seeing anything else from him in the future.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

No Spoilers, it's only like 10 minutes, and that includes the credits, go watch it if you're curious.

The Man in the House (short) 2015

The Man in the House (short) 2015

I give this 17 min and 52 second short horror film 3 stars out of 5.

Written, Directed, Filmed and Edited by Chris Markwardt

Official Selection Speechless Film Festival 2015.

I think if you have 20 minutes to spare you should give this short a watch.  I did not get it.  It is a very interesting film full of interesting visuals.  I think Chris did a great job and I enjoyed it for that reason.

Here is the link to
themaninthehouse.com
This link will bring you to the page for the movie and you can learn more about Chris Markwardt.

Here is the link:
http://onlineshortfilms.net/watch/the-man-in-the-house-video_af9604ba9.html

I love shorts!! Whether as an intro to the industry, or a platform for the under funded, or maybe that is all you had to say at the time.  Whatever the reason, shorts are great.  

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Number 23

Number 23 (2007)

4 out of 5 stars.

After 10- interesting idea and camera work.  The story has me interested and I love Jim Carrey so let's see where it is going.
After 40- I am on board.  The story is a little tame, not a lot of blood and visuals, but lots to think about and it is fun watching the number 23 every where.
By The End- NICE! An interesting story that succeeds at grabbing your attention, and making you wonder what will happen next.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After Checking IMDB- First: a 32 mill budget!  Wow, I wonder how much was to pay for Mr. Carrey?  Second, the director is Joel Schumacher.  With 32 director credits, 8 of them I have definitely seen and enjoyed.  Third, Fernley Phillips is the writer and co-producer, and this is the only credit at this time on their IMDB.

Over all the story, imagery and acting make this film worth a watch.  Pour a fresh drink, sit back, make sure the phone is off and the volume is up so you don't miss anything.  When the story slows enough for you to pause make a fresh drink and make note of the time, does it add up to 23?

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**
* I don't want to give away anything, but if I have to spoil something Jim Carrey is a funny man.  I have enjoyed many of his funny films.  THIS IS NOT A FUNNY FILM!  I agree with the reviewers that say they are not used to seeing Jim Carrey in a non comedy role.
*Do not let your preconceived notions of Jim Carrey distract you from the story being told.

Dragon Wolf 2013

Dragon Wolf 2013

1 out of 5 stars.  Could not do it.  I made it through the 10 minutes, barely!

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- I turned it off.  Errmagerd!!
After 40-
By The End-

Acting and Dialogue were bad.
"Promise me, you will not cry."  I was almost in tears of pain after 5 minutes of this flick.
The fighting- HA! I was fighting to make it through the first 10 mintues!
Even the boobs and sex were not enough to keep me interested.

After Checking IMDB- The write up on this flick sounds like a reasonable action flick.  The story idea is just as valid as any other.  With a budget estimated at over 3 million dollars I honestly expected more.

If you are looking for an action flick pass this one over.  If you can't find something new to watch then re watch a classic.  If you are too young to have seen the 80's action flicks when they first came out then watch one of them and have a laugh too.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

* The best part of the first 10 minutes was the cartoon credits and story.  Maybe if they would have done the whole movie that way it would have been easier to watch.

Wolves 2014

Wolves 2014

4 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Something about the flick has a slightly lower budget feel to it.  Can't put my finger on it.  Reminds me of a darker teen wolf meets a less cheesy wolf cop.  The story, acting and look are enough for me to give it more time and see where it goes.
After 40- Ok ;-) We have a story brewing here.  Not bad, some unique ideas worked nicely into the story.  Let's see where it goes.
By The End- It's Canadian!!  That's what I couldn't put my finger on.  Usually a Canadian flick sticks out like a sore thumb.  This one did a great job.  Good story, good clean up, nice ending for seeing these characters further down the road perhaps.

After checking IMBD. That is a good size budget, in my mind, and the effects and locations I feel were justified.  I agree with one reviewer who said "Still a better love story that Twilight" lol.
I thought Copperheart Entertainment did a good job, and after checking the IMDB I realized this house is not new to the Werewolf genre, see Ginger Snaps 2000.

Of course TF1 international and Telefilm Canada get props also, their IMDB are so big I can't get into it here.

If you are looking for a slightly different Werewolf story with out a mega budget or superstar line up then give this one a chance.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*Little light on the gore.
*It's Canadian. eh.

The Descent Part 2 (2009)

The Descent Part 2 (2009)

2.5 out of 5 stars.  All lost points because of WTF moments.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Feels like we are starting off a little faster than last time.  We do not need to establish the characters as much.
After 40- I have some issues with how the story has progressed so far, but not bad enough to stop the flick.  For the most part the movie is on point, there are just some points I will rant aboot after.  On to the end!!
By The End- WTF!! Argh! Check the spoilers for my rant!!

After Checking IMDB-  Directed by Jon Harris, at this time this is his only Director credit, however as an editor he has 27 credits and 6 of those are movies I have enjoyed.
 Writing Credits to James McCarthy, J Blakeson, James Watkins and Neil Marshall. (From the first Descent)  The first 3 writing credits go to people I am not familiar with, and who do not have a lot on their credits list.  Neil Marshall has more credits under his belt, some more familiar titles and some I have even seen and enjoyed.

This movie is well enough acted, produced, good sound, and has all the right pieces for a good movie.  If not for the parts of the story that, to me, made no sense or seemed inconsistent, this could have been a 4 star movie. I look forward to seeing more from any of these writers or directors in the future.  

Until next time everyone, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

Rant after 40- Claims to remember nothing, then when in the caves doesn't have a fit!  When she starts to remember and doesn't head for the exit or warn the others!!  Instead she runs deeper into the caves!!  WTF! Luckily this movie had me more curious about the ending than I was able to be frustrated by the crap.

Rant at the end- WTF! 1) Why would he do that?  This makes no sense to me.  I can not figure out what that guy has to gain from keeping these things a secret.  Maybe that is a prequel waiting to happen?
2) I know we didn't see Juno get killed, but seriously, how would she have survived?
3) I am still not pleased with the discrepancies in the creatures, mostly with how they hunt.

I will leave it at this, but if anyone wants to comment or debate, or maybe has any answers, please comment.

Thx for reading.

Zodiac Signs of the Apocalypse 2014

Zodiac Signs of the Apocalypse

1.5 out of 5 stars.  Could not watch every minute.

A made for TV movie I saw none of these worth mentioning while I was fast forwarding for a part worth watching.
Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- I started fast forwarding.
After 40-
By The End-

After Checking IMDB- I have to agree with the reviewer that says "Generic and predictable..."

David Hogan director. With 9 credits on his IMDB, most of them music related, I can not say I will be waiting with baited breath for his next project.  His effort is not bad, it's just not exciting.
David Sanderson writer.  Most of his 20 credits are story editor, which could mean he had the final say, or maybe he was the spell checker.  All I know is I was not able to make it through this movie, If you are looking for a sleep aid, this might do the trick.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

A boring run on the treadmill.  Same old same old, not much note worthy in this flick.  If you are in the mood for a disaster movie, pick something else.

Coffin baby

Coffin Baby

1 out of 5 stars.  Uggggh- could not make it through.

After 10- I turned it off!!!
After 40-
By The End-

So I don't know if there are any:

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Spoilers**    Rant@#

 I was hopeful for the first couple minutes, black and white history with a transition into present day.  A young lady looking over her shoulder as she walks home.  Alright I thought, this has the basic building blocks for success; let's go.  Then the poop!!  The characters started talking and the acting and dialogue was so poor, and poorly delivered I could not keep going.  I have a high tolerance for poor dialogue and acting, but this was more than I could stand.

Even now as I type this I think "This is someone's project.  This is someone's hard work and effort.  They raised money, scouted locations, had story boards and explained their idea so many times to so many people.  They must have poured hours of work into all the details they could to tell this story."

And I could not make it past 10 minutes.  I compare this to tween girls talking about something in their day.  Take a high pitched voice and speed it up to an impatient blur.  Now add chewy gum and no proper pauses for punctuation. Keep in mind that you probably know nothing about the characters involved in the story or why we care what happened.  And try to listen to the story.

Dean Jones is the make up effects artist turned director for this flick.  He also has writing credit with Josh Edwards, who has co-writer credit on Dark Awakening.  In an attempt to understand what went wrong with Coffin Baby I am going to give the 10 minute test to Dark Awakening if I can find it and Toolbox Murders, which Coffin Baby is the apparent sequel too.

The tag line for Coffin Baby is " If you can't be something great...do something terrible." 
Well, Coffin Baby was not something great, so I guess they went with the other option.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

Tucker and Dale vs Evil

4.5 out of 5 stars. great story, acting and writing with good or better effects.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- I'm sold!!  Love the actors I've seen before, and love the idea.
After 40-  HAHAHA I am sold!!  Can't wait to see how it ends!!
By The End- OMG!!!  One of the best, most original movies I have seen since Shawn of the Dead.  Unique idea, great acting and writing, if there was a sequel or prequel I would sign up right away.

I can not say enough about this movie, in fact, I don't want to say anything because it is just such a good entertaining movie I just want you to watch it and hope you like it half as much as I do.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

"We have had a dickens of a day!"

The Descent 2005

The Descent

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- 2 deaths by car accident, fast forward 1 year and the girls are meeting up again.
After 40- taking time establishing back stories etc.  Good acting, story and effects.  Let's see where this is going.
By The End- a leave you guessing flick.

Another under ground tight places movie.  Now this one looks good, in fact some of the places look fantastic, but because of where they are, odds are I will never see them in person.  Thank goodness for hd 3d tv.  HAHA.  The story is good and told well with out spitting everything out at once or what not.  Some people might find it a little slow, but I feel your mind knows something isn't right and is slowly working on the problem and paying attention to the dialogue for the clues to put everything together.  Unfortunately I don't like wishy washy endings; and in my mind you shouldn't launch a sequel off uneven soil.  I have not seen the second one, that is next weeks movie, and maybe my opinion will change after I see how they do it.

All this said, it was an ok flick, and the comments suggest that the end is open to interpretation.  That is where the points are lost for me.  If you like cave tight spaces movies, give this one a watch.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*Seriously some beautiful looking caves, could not physically go there.
*The mental snap seems sudden and extreme, but I think she had one foot over the edge already.
*I could nit pick the SNAP out of the creatures.  I mean really, for a blind creature with an apparent lack of smell, it finds some prey sooooo easy, and yet others get passed over more than once.
*The fact that there is discussion about the ending and there is a sequel suggests to me that I am not the only one that felt the ending was clear, and now there is back peddling.  But I may have to amend this note after I watch the sequel.

Beneath 2013 by Elevative Entertainment

Beneath

2.5 out of 5 stars; made it through but will not get that time back.  Make a drinking game out of it or watch it while you do something else.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- Ok production and acting.  Got me a little curious so why not.
After 40- I am guessing, is it this guy or that guy, want to know what's going on.
By The End- WTF! That's what they go with?  Groan.

This movie is an IFC, and I love watching IFC flicks for the little gems that are pleasant rare finds.
This is not one of those gems I am looking for.  Elevative Ent, and Revolver Pic Company did a fine job on the look and feel of this flick.  I would watch another movie from either or both of these companies.

 Kelly Noonan did well I feel and I have been a fan of Jeff Fahay since lanwmower man.  The acting and effects are not where this film loses points for me.  Check the spoilers if you like, might even save you 89 minutes.

Some of the other reviews on IMDB seemed very pleased with this film.  Some talk about how claustrophobic the movie felt, all I have to say to them is watch crawl or die.  That movie is claustrophobic.

All in all I feel there are other, better stories out there, about coal mines, claustrophobia, or strange unclear evil doings.  If you are addicted to mine movies though, this is one.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*The movie has a few good startling moments in it.
*And for a little while I was not sure if it was a ghost thing or a crazy paranoia thing or a gas thing.
*To be honest that is kinda the problem with the story.  Even in the end I am not sure what happened, and in my mind that means the story was not told clearly.

Crawl or Die

Crawl or Die

2.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- The movie starts out with guns blazing and an obvious extraction or protection mission. A quick flash back and we are filled in on some of the details.  Back to the present situation and an obvious low budget movie that reminded me of Cube.  Does not pass the ten minute test.
After 40- Yawn.  mostly ok acting, and the set looks pretty good.  Some ok ideas, but everything is dark.  We don't see the creature much, and really the hero is the only reason to watch this movie.
By The End- I was glad it was over.  I hate tight places and this movie is a giant long tight space. Poor light, and no good creature views, make for a long movie.  If you like tight spaces, low light and uncommon camera angles, you might enjoy this movie.  If you do let me know.

I love a good story, and love it even more when it is told well.   This story fails to get me interested in it.  I don't know the characters, the back story, or anything else that makes me care.

My curiosity about how the movie will end, if the hero escapes, do we see the monster?  These are what kept me watching, more out of stubborn follow through than sincere interest.

After checking IMDB I found a lot of references to The Descent, so keep your eye out for my review of this movie coming up soon.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!

Spoilers**

*It is a nice touch seeing a skilled military unit that doesn't need to talk the death out of everything.  They know their jobs and do it.
*The flash back I feel did the base job of presenting some story facts; but it did not manage to get me emotionally invested.
*When she was offering up a bullet instead of waiting for the painful bloody end, I was seriously interested!!
*The Director is on IMDB, and he posts on the message board.  From what I read he seems personable, and fully understands some people love this flick and others might not. He is even willing to answer questions.

Animal 2014

Animal 2014 chiller films.

 4 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

After 10- ok intro, 1 death with unseen attacker in the woods.
After 40- I'm in, the story, the animal, the situation.  All got me interested.  Acting, production, effects, all worth while and worth the watch.
By The End- My head is swimming with good ideas for sequels and prequels, A few surprises along the way are nice to remind us we are not dealing with the same regurgitated monster in the woods flick.  Does it follow the same basic structure, of course, it has to if it is going to be a monster in the woods flick.  Did it take some chances and do something a little different in spots where it could?  YES! Why only 4 stars?  As good as this movie is, there are little things here and there that I notice and think about. No nudity and the gore was mostly in check, meaning low key, less is more, let the viewers mind fill in the blanks style. Details about the animal, the group, some of their choices.  Most of the dialogue is good to very good, but some small pieces here and there didn't flow as well as most of it.  Minor issues, almost not worth mentioning, I believe most people will not even notice them.

Pop some popcorn, grab a drink, maybe a couple friends, put this movie on and enjoy.  It is an easy recommendation and an enjoyable easy film to watch.  It is not rated on IMDB, but I would give it at least a pg13.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!


Spoilers**

*after 40 minutes I would use the asshole as bait once the sun came up and we could all make a run for it.
*Prequel-? How did the Marine's back pack get there?
*Sequel- Does it follow to the city? Are there more?
*?- Was the cabin a feeding/ hunting ground for the young?
Parker Young- Loved him in Suburgatory.
Jeremy Sumpter- Good actor, seen him is several things.  I look forward to seeing more from him in the future.