Coffin baby

Coffin Baby

1 out of 5 stars.  Uggggh- could not make it through.

After 10- I turned it off!!!
After 40-
By The End-

So I don't know if there are any:

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Spoilers**    Rant@#

 I was hopeful for the first couple minutes, black and white history with a transition into present day.  A young lady looking over her shoulder as she walks home.  Alright I thought, this has the basic building blocks for success; let's go.  Then the poop!!  The characters started talking and the acting and dialogue was so poor, and poorly delivered I could not keep going.  I have a high tolerance for poor dialogue and acting, but this was more than I could stand.

Even now as I type this I think "This is someone's project.  This is someone's hard work and effort.  They raised money, scouted locations, had story boards and explained their idea so many times to so many people.  They must have poured hours of work into all the details they could to tell this story."

And I could not make it past 10 minutes.  I compare this to tween girls talking about something in their day.  Take a high pitched voice and speed it up to an impatient blur.  Now add chewy gum and no proper pauses for punctuation. Keep in mind that you probably know nothing about the characters involved in the story or why we care what happened.  And try to listen to the story.

Dean Jones is the make up effects artist turned director for this flick.  He also has writing credit with Josh Edwards, who has co-writer credit on Dark Awakening.  In an attempt to understand what went wrong with Coffin Baby I am going to give the 10 minute test to Dark Awakening if I can find it and Toolbox Murders, which Coffin Baby is the apparent sequel too.

The tag line for Coffin Baby is " If you can't be something great...do something terrible." 
Well, Coffin Baby was not something great, so I guess they went with the other option.

Until next time everybody, remember, Protect Your Privates!