I Spit on Your Grave 2

I Spit on our Grave 2

3.5 Stars out of 5.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

As you know I love revenge movies, and I was very eager and curious where this one would go after the first one.  I feel confident in saying if you enjoyed the first one you will enjoy the second one.

I say watch it, especially if you enjoyed the first one.  Let me know if I'm right. LOL.

If you want to add it to your collection;



Spoilers**

Penis Trauma is at 1:24 and 1:34 then again at 1:38:00 to 1:39:40

The first trauma is really not that graphic, but still valid, and as for the second, it is technically ball trauma, but I feel it still applies.

Why only 3.5 stars?  This movie did what most sequels have to do; go bigger and badder than the first, and it does.  The rape and torture scenes are longer and more graphic.  I feel it might be tough for some viewers.

Check the countdown for where it is placed, and until next time everybody, "Protect Your Privates."

I Spit on Your Grave

I Spit on Your Grave

3.5 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

I love revenge movies, and this is a good one in my opinion.  The story seemed mostly plausible which is important to me, and if you like seeing victims get even, get the popcorn ready.  I will be watching the 2nd one soon and have that review up, and turns out there is a 1978 version, if I can find it I will review that one also.

If you would like to add this to your collecton;


Spoilers**

The penis trauma is at 1:35:00, and is number 3 on my list.

Why only 3.5 stars, I thought the beginning may have been drug out a little, and there were a few brief moments where I was almost distracted from the story.  After watching it you could go back and try to nit pick some details, but for the very most part it was well delivered.

Snakes on a Plane

2 stars out of 5

I have to agree with Netflix on this one...

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Odds are you've seen this movie, if you haven't it is probably with good reason, if you are debating it, don't.  Some of the names are big enough to make you think, "oh ok" but don't fall for it.  The title and idea might make you think "hmmm, wonder how that happened.." Read the spoilers and don't. What about the adult stuff.... again, not worth most people's time.

Harsh review? Maybe, but I watch a lot of movies, and although this is not the worst one, (it is not even in the top 10) it is a poor story.  I would compare it to a story told by a teenage girl, about teenage drama told to war vet.  Pointless, devoid of meaning, and truly a waste of time.
I can usually find something worthy in a flick, but any redeeming qualities this one has were over shadowed by it's pointlessness.

Want to watch an airplane movie, there are lots, pick one.
Want to watch a movie with cgi snakes... watch anaconda.
Wanna watch a FBI flick...watch Smoking Aces .

Want to add it to your collection...



Spoiler**

The Penis Trauma is at 33:20 to 33:40, it is not very graphic, but technically it fits the description.

This movie  makes my list 11 movies long, and this trauma is light, quick, almost only an honorable mention, and for these reasons, I place it as the new number 10 bumping wolf creek 2 to number 11.

Plot spoilers;
- if I was a major drug dealer or mob person, and I wanted a witness dead... I would not import a shit ton of dangerous snakes, squirt pheromones on the leis and hope for the best.  
-how do the snakes get EVERYWHERE!!!
-yes, the dog gets it

Muck

Muck

3 stars out of 5

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

I watched the first 10 minutes of this show to decide if I should bring it to work for the lunch movie.  After 10 minutes I was sold.  The acting was well within reason, the talent was great.  The dialogue was informative, sharp and witty; part even reminded me of Scream.

I got to work, told everyone I was stoked and looking forward to it.  50 minutes in I was confused and a little disappointed.  Had to wait till the next day to watch the rest and became only more confused and disappointed.

There was some interesting camera angles, and use of editing, but it could not save the story.

Let's just say the extra actors started taking away from the story, then the story took a couple WTF turns.  In my mind nothing drops stars like WTF moments.  If I'm enjoying a story and you screw with it, now you've interrupted it.  This takes away from what I have enjoyed and puts me on the defensive for more WTFs, which takes away from the rest of the show.

If you are gonna watch the movie, which I think you should, watch it!  Visually there is lots to see and take in.  Don't be distracted, there is a lot of subtle info in the dialogue.  If you like attractive ladies, this show does not disappoint.  I enjoyed what the movie was able to do that many others haven't, and I hope whatever is next for this production house, directors or actors, has more of what was good, and less WTF.

If you want to add this to your collection;


Spoilers**

*The first 10 minutes were well acted, good dialogue, and sweet ass talent.

*Then the story starts to slip; a seemingly quick run down the road, and hero is at the bar having a drink and calling a friend..... HELLOO!!!  Someone is dead, someone is missing, someone is bleeding, someone is freezing and 2 people are hot and able to walk.  I understand poor choices are usually required to make scary movies work.... but the dialogue pointed out they were in a horror flick!!

*From here we things go down hill, and I don't only mean for the characters.  The acting, the choices, the dialogue all start to slip; and don't stop till the end.

*I understand not every question can be answered, nor should it; but without answering some basic questions the viewer is unable to brag about the story.  Instead, they feel they can't honestly endorse the film because they themselves are confused and or questioning.

Hard Candy

Hard Candy

2.5 Stars

 Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

What can I say, this is not the usual hack and slash type of film, but the dialogue is interesting without being too boring.  It does drone on a little in some places, but I found this movie isn't one requiring your undivided attention.  You could play this movie in the back ground while you surf face book or tidy up.  You will want to see the screen sometimes, but you don't need to watch every second.

If you enjoy a mental cat and mouse game you should enjoy this show,

If you would like to add it to your collection;



Spoilers*

*The implied trauma that we never actually see is valid in my mind, however at no time do we see the trauma, so I guess an honorable mention is the best I can do, and that might be generous.

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies

2 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Netflix gave it 1 star, but I would say 2 stars because I thought it was a good effort.  The cgi, the acting and the sound, all could be improved, but considering the $150,000 estimated budget I am not sure what they spent the money on.  The story had some merit, I have seen worse films with worse acting and effects, but not by much.  

If you want to watch a zombie flick, and you have watched everything over 2.5 stars... well, this is what is next for you, or you could do the dishes or hang some pictures or sweep the floor, cut the dog's nails, I don't know, almost anything. lol.  I love upstart movie houses doing new things, but at least cover the basics of story telling please.

If you want to add it to your collection;

Spoilers*

*Intro the sleeping zombie.  Seriously if the zombie doesn't hear anything it just stands there?  WTF!!  I can easily say this is my least fav zombie.

*Zombie slave reference was nice, and the wilkinson reference I saw coming, the teddy thing was a little off I think, but cute.

The Wedding Ringer

The Wedding Ringer

3 stars

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Non-Spoiler Review: Well what can I say.... I was watching this movie with the family last weekend and there it was!!  Big as life and shocking as heck!!  As I watch a movie with my teen daughters, bang! PENIS TRAUMA!!  Other wise an ok movie.  An easy 3 stars but I might push to 3,5 cause I did enjoy the actors and characters they played.  But the movie right away reminded me of Hitch.

This movie starts a path for PTMR I did not forsee, the comedy penis trauma.  So enjoy and ear mark the beginning of a new thread in PTMR.

If you would like to add it to your collection;



Spoiler*

*First comedy penis trauma involves a dog, and OMG, it would suck!! HAHAH, Almost as traumatic as watching it with my teen daughters!!

*The trauma is at 58 to 58:30 and is only number 9 on the list because 1 it is a comedy and 2 what you do see is minor compared to the rest of the list.

Hostel 3

Hostel 3

 3 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Non-Spoiler Review: Not a bad 3rd installment, but to be honest I do not (see spoiler).  The talent is beautiful, and the acting is good enough for me not to bitch.  This movie makes it on to the honorable mention list, and I gave it 3 stars because I feel it is worth watching if you have nothing else to do and you have watched the first 2.  

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.

Spoilers**

*I feel the story did not stay true to the elite hunters we have come to know from the first 2 movies.

*As far as death and gore went I have to say I do not feel this movie was up to par.

*Do not get me started on the ending, I mean I think I know what they were going for, but please!!  Either not enough was built up for me to believe it or the leap was to much for me.

Teeth

Teeth

 2 out of 5 stars.

Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

Ok, couple things, first I am going to try a new layout for my blogs.

1)  With regard to production and acting let us assume that it is at least ok.  I will mention any great achievements, and rant about the let downs.

2) As for story line, I will mention great moments and twists, and rant about WTFs.

3) Regarding effects let us assume they are average for the time.  Fear not, if the effects are bad I will rage, and if they rock me I will point it out.

Non-Spoiler Review: Yawn central! I tried watching this movie several months ago and couldn't make it past the 10 min mark, but thanks to fans of the PTMR I heard this movie had trauma in it, which meant I had to watch it.  If you are into a boring story, celibacy and teen rape; then this movie might entertain you. The acting was ok, but it was hard to tell cause the boring writing kept putting me to sleep.  I had to fast forward sooooooooo much just to get through the movie.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.



Spoilers**

*SO MUCH TRAUMA!!
 37:00 to 38:10, 47:50, 1:11:30 to 1:12:10, 1:13:30 to 1:14:05, and  1:22:45 to 1:24:00.
So much cock I thought it was watching a porno, except they were all dismembered =:(
#1 on my list of currently 11.

*The story, that is really what I disliked about this flick.  Let's start with the springfield like location of the family home, omg! Then the disturbed brother, and fast forward like a dozen years to the "purity" meeting.  My first attempt at watching this movie ended here. I mean at this  point I didn't care about the family, what was going on bored the crap outta me.  For you the viewers I put myself through this, lol.

*The trauma, omg! I have to hand it to the writers on this one.  I have three daughters and all the traumatic sexual experiences in this movie are totally valid, the fact they all happened to one girl is horrifying, but not beyond the scope of possibility.

*The science; I understand how the science behind this medical condition can help make the movie.  In my opinion the idea is valid for a scary movie, it was just a little poor telling in the delivery.

*The mythology: Wow!  I totally understand the mythology and wonderment of men with regard to the vagina, and enjoyed what they touched upon in the film.  No pun intended, haha.

Hostel 2

Hostel 2

4 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Good, nothing wrong with the production, lighting or sound.

2) Story Line - I was curious were they were gonna go with this one, and I have to admit *see spoilers*

3) Actors-  The actors were good, not all foreign so nice to see some kinda familiar faces.

4) Effects- the effects were good, nothing jumped up for me to complain about.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.


Spoilers**

* Penis Trauma!!  From 1:26:25 to 1:28:35.  Now it is not a constant 2 minutes of cock on the screen, but there are several shots of it till it's traumatic climax.  Number 2 on my list of 11.

*I have to admit that I was glad they didn't just redo the first one,  And there were a couple surprise  parts.  The ending also wasn't completely predictable, which was nice.

*I don't know if I would agree with the ending, but that is a personal matter.

Dead Snow 2

Dead Snow 2

4 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Just as good if not better than the first.

2) Story Line - Check the spoilers, but the nice thing is it is not a recycled tale.  Totally valid on its own in my opinion, only reason to watch the first one first is to help you understand the main character, and because the first one is a good flick all on it's own.

3) Actors- Same as last time, don't know any, but don't let that stop you.

4) Effects- Bigger and better than last time.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.


Spoilers**

This movie makes the honorable mention list, you don't see the penis, but you know it is hurt.

This movie made me laugh out loud several times, it totally grossed me out at least once, and it was a great follow up to the first one.

Strongly recommend these two movies.

Dead Snow

Dead Snow

 4 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Good.

2) Story Line - Good!  Read the spoilers if you want to know why this film is one of my favorites.

3) Actors- I don't know any of them because it is a foreign film, but don't let that stop you from watching it.

4) Effects- Good, check spoilers again.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.


Spoilers**

This show gets on the honorable mention list, you don't see the penis, but you know it is hurt.
*
The first thing I noticed is all the evil dead references, there was a lot of love for that cult classic, and I thought they did it well.
Next; enter the cursed nazi zombies.  I am a zombie fan from the 80's night of the living dead.  I love the dead shambling zombie.  I know this flies in the face of the true origins of the zombie being a mindless voodoo slave.  My least favorite zombie is the infected, who in my mind is not really a zombie.  Thanks to Dead Snow I am a fan of the cursed zombie, and to be honest they are easily my second favorite zombie.
*
Regarding the effects, these movie makers must have got a sale on intestines, I mean they must buy in bulk or something. LOL

Piranha 3DD

Piranha 3DD

 3.5 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Just as good as the last one.

2) Story Line - A nice touch and update, makes sense without repeating.

3) Actors- They really make the movie.

4) Effects- Good, just like the previous one.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.




Spoilers**

*The trauma is at 36:45, and 38:25.  This movie is number 4 on my list of 11 penis trauma movies.  As I may have explained before I feel having to do the trauma to yourself is worse than having it done to you.  Don't get me wrong, I can't think of any good penis trauma, but some are worse than others.

*This is a good sequel, a nice follow up.  I laughed again and again, and I ewwed again and again.
It starts off with action and grossness, and keeps the promises the poster makes.

The actors really make this movie fun to watch, many you recognize and the lines they are given... some really funny writing.

I can think of worse movies to kill time with.  I hope you enjoy it too.

Piranha

Piranha 3D 2010

 3.5 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Good quality, nothing to complain about really.

2) Story Line - The usual you would expect from this type of movie.

3) Actors- Talent was good enough, some familiar actors.  Any cheesiness just adds to the comedy.

4) Effects- The bodies and blood are good, the cgi and 3d effects are a bit chessy, but that is why we watch and love these flicks.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.




Spoilers**

*The penis trauma is at 1:05:20.  This flick is number 5 on my list of 11, very graphic, but a little predictable,

*It is an easy movie to watch, the production, talents, actors and adult stuff are what you expect and want to see when you sit down to a movie like this.  The story is a classic 80's titty terror, or skin scare, retold for today's audience with better effects and fresh talent.  I laughed and awed, a guilty pleasure to watch.

Hostel

Hostel 1

 4 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- Good looking movie on the screen.

2) Story Line - One of my worst nightmares, everything seems fun, till you realize it isn't.  Good story, like a true European fairy tale for post sec students.

3) Actors- No big names you recognize, more notable are the writer, director, and producers.  The actors were good though, they help tell the story.

4) Effects- The effects were pretty good, did not leave me laughing or distracted from the story.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add this to your collection;



Spoilers**

4 out of 5 because this is always scary to me, traveling in foreign lands, don't know the language, customs etc.
This movie starts out my second favorite way, lots of sexy action.
Everything is all tits and drinks and drugs for the first 30, then shit gets real.
The last 30 had me on the edge of my seat, and cringing.
I recommend it to anyone who likes a scary movie were the scares come from "what can one person do to another?"

Zombeavers

Zombeavers

 2.5 out of 5 stars.

1) Production- The production of the movie is fine, nothing shattering, but nothing too distracting.

2) Story Line - The story is a little lacking and has a WTF.

3) Actors- The talent was ok, easy on the eyes and all,

4) Effects- For the most part ok, but some of the beaver scenes were almost to much.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.


Spoilers**

* It is not story ending, but it did not in my mind follow a sensible course.  The  movie starts out with comedy and action, and sets the pace for the movie you are in for.  If you survive the first 10 minutes, which isn't really difficult, then you should be able to enjoy it till the wtf, and by then you might as well see how it ends.

*The trauma is at 1:05:00 and is number 6 on my list of 11.  Not the most visually impacting, and to be honest it is part of a continuity fail.  The movie is fun, tries to do a couple things, and isn't the worst film,  I hope they had fun making it, judging from the out takes they did.

Big Bad Wolf 2006

Big Bad Wolf

3 out of 5 stars.

1) Production-The production was reasonable, nothing super note worthy, but not bad either.

2) Story Line - Standard story line with a couple twist attempts.

3) Actors- The actors were reasonable and the talent easy one the eyes.

4) Effects- The effects were reasonable.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Puss, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

If you would like to add it to your collection here is the link.




Spoilers**
*
*
The trauma is at 26:30.  On my list of 11 this one is number 7.  It was the least graphic and delivered with a cheesy one liner.

Annabelle

Annabelle, due to technical issues, will be the movie this week.

3.5 out of 5.

1) Production- This is a good looking movie.  The production, lighting, sound, all note worthy.   Also of note I feel I need to give props to the prop people.  I can only imagine how difficult it might be to find period appropriate clothing, cars, and baby stuff.  Good work.

2) Story Line -  This story is good, reminds me of chucky, the exorcist, and ammityville horror.  Not the whole story, but some similarities could be drawn.

3) Actors- The actors are good.  None take away from the story.

4) Effects-  The effects are good, there is not a lot of gore.  The camera angles are very note worthy, and some of the camera tricks really set the mood and tone well.

5) Adult Stuff- Cheesy One Liners, Bad Language, Booze, Drugs, Blood, Bondage, Guts, Gore, Hoochie Girls, Boobs, Sex, Vagina, Penis, Penis Trauma

*NOTE- a WTF in the story line means there was something or someone that made me say WTF on a large enough scale that it distracted or interrupted the story line.

This is a well told story, had some good creepy make you jump moments, but there were times where the build up went on a bit long.  Once I notice I am building I shuffle in my seat, take my hand away from my throat and take a deep breath.  Then it doesn't get me.  I found my self shuffling a couple times in the movie.  It was also in my mind not a very original story, well told and some good new startle techniques.  I say watch it, allow yourself to get into and enjoy the creeps.  Low on gore and no boobs, but worth a watch.  Probably with a chick who wants to cuddle when they get scared but you don't want to gross out with too much blood.

If you would like to add it to your collection.